The New Year-2006

This is the last day of 2005. I can't believe a whole year has passed, so very quickly, and so very much has changed. My life was turned upside down this year....and I STILL feel like i'm trying to pick up the pieces. my wish for all this year...
peace
new beginnings
and a little less painful upheaval. ( just about everyone i know went through some massive changes and trials this year. may 2006 be gentler to the heart, but full of learning and growth.

:)

Winter Solstice

Yesterday was the winter solstice, the longest night of the year, the beginning of winter, and from this day foward the sun will stay up just a little bit longer. I think of it as the rebirth of the sun, and the true end of a year, and the start of new year.

I said farewell to the old year with some friends last night, shared wassail and potato soup, various cheeses, and spreads and breads, and of course, a yule log cake and peppermint ice cream (homemade!!!)

This has been a rather trying year for me, and for many other folk, and frankly, i'm glad to see this year go. Letting go of lots of old stuff....and moving into a new phase, and looking foward to the gifts of the new year.

Of course, my first new day, i'm home sick. I got to work early, but then discovered, to my dismay, that i wasn't feeling well at all, so i went home. been a while since i've taken a sick day. much needed break really....but i think i need a real vacation too.

ahhh....

Walk in the Neighboorhood

So, I've lived in this neighboorhood for about 4 and a half months, and have neglected to take a little walk around it in all this time. party due to the climate, and lack of time, but when it is getting too late to get on the bike for a good hour ride, there is nothing that should stop me from taking a little walk ....
so out i went, needed to clear my head and my heart of some anxiety i've been feeling. It was sundown, and the streets were fairly quiet. I saw all sorts of apartments for rent, some that look comparable to where i live now, but perhaps have one bedrooms available?? I'm thinking I might move into a one bedroom place for myself in august when the lease is up on this place...not have to share space. we'll see....
but there were also tons of cute little houses, some for sale, some not...but cute just the same, and i found myself wishing i had the means to buy a cute little house like that...make it my own, have my herb office, and my plants outside....

dont know how or when i'd get the means to do that though...at this rate...

thinking of quitting my job and finding something else....i just cant get along with one person in particular, and I'm bored, and things are complicated by the fact that i'm seeing my coworker....
maybe it would be best to just move on...to where??? god only knows...

it felt good to walk..i haven't done that in years...i remember i used to take walks in the evenings with my dad and step mom when i was a kid...it was a good practice. maybe time to reinstate it?

I wish i felt inspired to write...i feel like writing, but i dont know WHAT to write....feel wordless, uninspired....

Darcey in December

Darcey Blue contemplates December

I headed for the hills today early in the morning. I needed some time away from the hustle and bustle of the city in December, and so went to visit the trees and sleeping earth in December on the mountain. I found green boughs and pine cones to decorate the house with in festive solstice spirit ( i made a wreath with my greens! sooo pretty and smells so nice too!) I also saw feathers in the clouds, trees sparkling in the morning sun and waving in the wind...doing a little december dance, and ice crystals in the stream....sang some songs and thought about the year to come.
It was just devine being out on the mountain early in the morning, no one was up there yet, i had the whole mountain to myself...it felt...a friendly woodpecker was pecking away at a ponderosa pine and kept me company as i lay in the warm sun, bundled up in many layers. Winter hikes are special and wonderful. I hightly reccomend it to one and all!!

Feather Cloud

Ice Crystals

Tree sisters waving in the wind

Wreath Makings

Tis the season to be Merry

Nice week, mostly....
Other than the problems i have at work and STILL worried about losing my job....

Rudy and I decorated a christmas tree together! That was much fun, especially since Josh was never festive, and we NEVER ever did that together. Rudy even put on christmas music, and we had hot cocoa. VERY fun...it was cool to go get the tree together....

I'm spending the weekend by myself, and plan to go up on the mountain tomorrow, early, early. screw the mandatory bike meeting...i dont think i'm gonna follow up with the racing thing on the bike this spring. I still haven't been able to train, and i aint gonna catch up now.
:S
oh well...i'm just not motivated for it.

I got a new stereo today, since the old one broke. This one is nicer and smaller and better!! FINALLY so glad to have my music back....it was near torture not to have music....


speaking of music and such, this afternoon i recorded some poems that will be aired on christmas night on KXCI, 91.3 fm in tucson, or live from the web at kxci.org. COOL!

anyway, it is about bed time. NIGHT NITE

Weekend Getaway

Salt River Canyon Overlook

I went HERE with my sweetie this past weekend. Well, we actually went further north than Salt River Canyon, up to the Heber Overgaard area, where we visited with friends and spent time walking around a mountain lake, playing music around a woodstove, and munching on good ol small town cafe breakfast. YUM! But on the way there, we had to drive through the Salt River Canyon. Between Globe and Show Low, the Salt River is nestled in a DEEEEEEP canyon....i know it aint the grand canyon, but its has carved itself very beautifully into layers of rock and an amazing landscape.
We spent an hour walking around down near the river at the base of the canyon, laying on the rocks, feeling blessed. We listened to a lot of bluegrass music on the drive...i'm itching to learn some songs so we can play together ( he can play and i can sing).
The trip was really nice...of course I'm terribly shy at meeting new people, so I'm praying i didn't make a bad impression on his friends, cause i'm kinda quiet, but it was nice to get out of the city, so so nice, great to spend it with someone special, and to know that he cares enough to want to introduce me to his best friends that he's known since childhood. That means a LOT!
Next weekend....it's family meeting time. ACK!! Talk about pressure!!

Bike Racing and Beaded Shoes

I'm finding it difficult to be able to devote the kind of time that my bike training schedule is asking for .... 4 hrs on a sunday...i know i did it before...but, i just dont feel like doing it EVERY week now...i can't devote more than an hour and a half at most to riding during the week...work and life and the darkness of winter months just completely make that impossible. Should I still race? I can't train appropriately, I dont WANT to train like a mad person again. I dont want to hate the bike, I dont want the obligations. Can i do the races (a total of six) without the kind of training suggested? On just a few rides a week? They will hurt, I may not do well....
is that OK? should i bother?

Last night I went out on the bike for a few hours, started at 330 and got home at 530...RACED across town at max heartrate, trying to beat the setting sun, so i didn't have to ride in the dark ( my taillight is out of commission!)

Yesterday i went to the annual smith college club luncheon and auction and bought a pair of funky beaded house slippers from southeast asia.
Arent they cute! Hey, it was for a good cause....and they are kind of funky cool!


I want to bake bread today, n ride my bike for a little while ( not 4 and half hours though!) Hope I get to see my sweetie too.

I feel that sometimes our time together is so rushed, breif...we are always rushing off to get to work, or go here, and get this done etc etc, or it is interrupted by life happening. I'm longing for just days and hours to spend talking, laying the sun, looking at the clouds and sharing hearts and touching souls. We got to talking last night on the phone, and had such a meaningful open and heartfelt talk...it felt so nice...even if it was just over the phone...i felt relief, i got to open up and say things that were on my mind, my feelings...and he just keeps saying things that reaffirm and remind me of why he is SO amazing... and why i'm loving the person he is more everyday.