the day starts off...

I can't seem to wake up when I want to.  I intend to wake up at 6, thinking getting up and out of bed would be better for me than sleeping, but didn't sleep well, and slept till 10 instead.   I guess I'd rather stay in dreams than deal with reality.  Reality Bites.

can't seem to get moving.  have so much to do, prep for students coming tomorrow, consutlations to complete. 
always fucking waiting on something.  Still waiting to take the tree out from Yule.  Its mostly a pile of dried needles on the floor.  Its depressing.  So are the dead rosemary plants in the window. 

Dead plants are bad feng shui.  Maybe i just need a spring cleaning.  I never have time to keep up with cleaning the house. I hate how messy it is all the time.   I clean one room and the rest gets dirtier.  i'm so unorganized.    Its practically noon and I've done absolutely no work. Nada. No i take that back it IS noon, and i've done nothing.  Way to go. 

But the day starts off - OKAY- not great, I'm not jumping for joy or anything, the snow is coming down hard.  I suppose in one way its nice.  but mostly i'm tired of snow and ice and cold.  I'm tired of being stuck inside. i hate driving in it.  Sean took my car to town because it has snow tires.  

Making some oolong tea for a new batch of kombucha.  Having some green tea and roses- and had bacon for breakfast.  I even took a B vitamin ...I guess better than nothing.

I was thinking yesterday  I should start off every day with a list...of things I need to work on.  My mom did this when i was growing up.  maybe she still does.  Lists help me feel accomplished and organized.  At least when i can cross off SOMETHING i feel better.  But the unnamed mass of things i need to do is daunting and scary and overwhelming.   

Why did i think it would be good to work for myself?  I have so little work ethic and organizational skill.  I was much better at working when I had specific jobs laid out before me and a fire under my ass to get shit done because otherwise things would fall apart.  I used to be important. I used to make things WORK when I had a job. People could depend on me to get shit done.  Why don't I get shit done at home?