I am having a hard time discerning my depression and loneliness...is it because I'm so far away, or because of winter, or because of ....?? I am feeling somewhat better, taking steps to help myself, coaching has started with lots of material to begin with, lots of long buried and unspoken things brought out, both into conciousness and onto paper, and then taken the spirit world for more help, and healing. Letting go of ancestral paradoxes, removing the cords that bind my souls to old patterns of the past, and transmuting it with the fire of the stars, and cleansing with the blue fire of the earth.I felt the unnerving and powerful presence of an otherworld helper very viscerally last night. (At this point, if you think I'm crazy, well I can't help that, this is my blog, and I'm going to say what I'm going to say. My spirit work is important to me.) There was no malice, no danger, but it was that unnerving feeling of someone watching you, someone close, someone in your energy field. Heat and chills, racing heart. And I've had this feeling before....when I walk in the woods, once when I was washing dishes. They are there, making themselves known little by little. Fae ones, earth spirits, the good people.
Today we go look at an apartment in the basement of a house on 25 acres, on a river, greenhouses, raised beds, horses, cats and dogs. but it is only one bedroom. Not sure how to make one bedroom work for us, and how to carve out some personal space for myself. I suppose it could be possible to get some partitions (rice paper or wood?) to block off an area to make it more private. It will all depend. If the kitchen is workable (unlike the last place), if it isn't a dungeon down in the basement. The owners have had very good reviews from friends of Sean's who know them, and the location is good, near to lewiston/auburn, close to the farm where Sean's friend lives, close other other friends in the L/A area, much closer to Augusta, closer to Portland. Much more proximal to client bases, marketing oppuruntities and community. The Nezinscot farm where we love to get our locally raised organic grass fed meat, eggs, butter and produce is in the same village as well!! All in all on paper it sounds great...my only concern is the one bedroom and the basement. I dont like to live in darkness...but maybe it is a good stopping place till we find our more long term home? I hate moving over and over and over tho. I just want to stay somewhere. Root. Root.Root.
I'm still waiting for my copy of Land of Painted Caves because the saturday mailman doesn't drive up to the house like the regular mail man. GGRRRRRRRRRRRRR! And...I have a banjo in the mail! OMG! A friend from school in Colorado had one she was willing to sell cheaply to me! I'm super stoked!! Then I have to start practicing the claw hammer 'bum-ditty"!
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