1 step forward, 2 steps back

Wow, I had a great weekend, making products, took Sunday off, all to myself, no computer, no work.  Had a Thai Yoga massage and a wonderful visit and conversation with a friend.  Felt all ready for the week.
 Finalized my coaching plan this morning at 9 after waking up 3 hours later than I wanted to. 
Didn't do yoga, didnt shower, didnt make a list....
didn't get anywhere focused.
I went outside to gather poplar buds.  It's time.  Its above freezing- way above freezing, for several days now, the snow melting off the roof sounds like rain.  And the sap is starting to run.  So, I decided to go out and collect.  Cause no matter what else the plants don't really wait for a convienent time to be ready to be harvested.  But somehow I've found, I can't let myself believe that going outside for a walk in the sun, and collecting medicine plants is work. 

I know it is something I need to do, to get clients medicine, and make products, but yet, its not allowed to be work.  Only thing I allow to be work is sitting on the computer writing lessons.  or something. i hate it.  I despise it. 

I guess this means I need to do less work that is on the computer and more work outside and making herbal goodies.  That would mean no teaching online.  WHich is really the only way i've ever made any money at being an herbalist. 
It is just so tedious. I constantly feel guilty, and like I haven't done enough, and that people are going to stop paying me, because I suck.    Not a good place to be. Not a good cycle.  And i'm pretty much roped into at least another 6 months that I've committed to a set of students. 

ugh...so here i am, feeling shitty that my march lessons are almost 3 weeks late, i didn't get any "work' done, and it's 3 o clock already. The house is sty.  The dishes piled high.  (Go away for one day and the dishes overtake the world. )

Things look better, then they look like a pit of despair all over again.
I have NO IDEA how I"m going to be able to get put together enough to both find a place to live, and pack all the stuff, and move it somewhere.  I should start now. Really.

But at least the sun is shining, and the snow is finally starting to melt, and Sean brought me home a pot of pretty purple tulips to bring spring inside.  and some blueberry lavender chocolate.  I have the windows open...