Till my dying day...

Laying in your arms

upon the bosom of the Earth, Mother

she cradled our bodies

locked in passionate embrace

She blew a cool breeze to stoke the fire

and made songs in the trees that whispered your name to me.

There in my heart you stayed

as I crawled within your loving space

the walls crumbled at our feet

we broke down the windows and the doors

till we fell into each other, complete.

Laying in Gaia's embrace.

-November 2005

It happens now and again....this love comes back to the front of my mind, my heart.  It never leaves really, but I put it aside at times.  Going on 6 yrs this love.  We were together once- I was too young, he was overwhelmed with lifes troubles.  We parted ways and I was devastated.  I tried to be angry, I tried hate.  But still inside I loved.

He came back into my life for a brief while, a beautiful manifestation of all the good I had seen in him all those years ago, and I became ablaze with this love reawakened,  but he told me again, it was not to be.  I told him it didn't matter, that I would love him always...I'd take my love to the grave.

The more time that passes I realize it is true.  I'll never stop loving this man.  Even though I know there is not much chance of there ever being "Us" in this life.  I know I'm a fool.  My heart doesn't care.  And every now again he visits my dreams, we reach out and touch each other through letters and phone calls for a few brief moments.  And my love burns still.  I know that I won't have what I crave, but if I could just hold him again, look into his eyes...what would I do for such a moment? 

images of our brief time shared together haunt my memories, and fill me with a longing ache for what might have, could have, should have been.  The song he sang to me late one night in a cabin in the woods, the kisses exchanged beneath a giant eucalyptus.  The mountaintop where we lay in each others arms listening to whispering songs in the pines.  The secret night we slept in each others arms, but did nothing more.

But life moves on, and carries us to places unknown- far from each other, far from the places we could have built together.  I love another, deeply and fully, and know that love is not limited.  the heart is big enough to love infinitely.  But the ache of longing runs deep.

He tells me I am one of the most important things that ever happened to him.  He was the first man to see and love "me".  The wild, dirty, earthy goddess I was becoming, even then.  We were lights to each other in dark times in our lives, with broken hearts we held each other for a while in this life.  I wish that could be enough.  But I'll take this unfulfilled love with me til my dying day.  I love you my Banjo Man.