Crying for Mother

Last night I dreamed of my ex, as if we were still together, and running this compound together. Wierd, and then i dreamed i had two evil roomates, who had small children coming over, and I was expecting my own child (pregnant) soon. One of them went into the bathroom to check to make sure it was childproof. Then she proceeded to push all my stuff on top of the toilet off. Fragile things, a mirror, candles, and a really special blue candleholder my mom gave me. It broke into a million pieces on the floor.
i was so upset. I told her that it meant so much to me, because it was a gift from my mother during a time in my life that was so hard, and from which i was still healing from. ( i.e. my breakup in RL). I began crying for my mother....hysterically. I called on the phone, and there was no answer....In my dream my screams and cries were causing these cactus flowers to bloom...

i woke up rather emotional and choked up. what about this crying out for mother and the blooming cactus flower? It ws sort of surrealistic... like a Dali painting.... just these blooming flowers, changing colors and shapes, and me crying out for mother....

was i crying for my biological mother? or was it my earth mother?? Mother....why do we cry out for our mothers so fiercely?? and why was i so upset about the broken candle holder?? because it's a connection to my past? Something i need to let go of perhaps. Were the evil roomates really evil? Or helping me to push away the old , what it not needed, to make room for the new child...the new creations due in my life???
I am having a hard time letting go of the past....i feel like i'm getting worse, not better, in regards to my relatinship ending. I thought progress came in time....but, perhaps progress is ebb and flow? Up and down?
I feel so much greif at the ending of dreams and plans...that were perhaps fantasy anyway... new plans and dreams have yet to be birthed. it feels like a miscarriage...grieving for the promise of the future taken away unexpectedly.

i spent the weekend among the pine trees and flowers at 9000 ft on Mt Graham...i was reminded to be more like a tree....not to forget that trees start out small too, and spend much time rooting deep in the earth before growing tall and spreading their arms. It's time to root deep into the earth, and appreciate each day for the gift that it is.... and greive, and heal, and move on... find my dreams and birth them.... get rid of the old to make room.